Learning your child has diabetes is without a doubt a traumatic event for any family. I can remember when Eddie was first diagnosed and as a family we went through the classic stages of grief.
ANGER:
DENIAL:
BARGAINING:
DEPRESSION:
RESOLUTION:
and finally
ACCEPTANCE
There is no doubt about it there is significant responsibility for all involved. It poses serious emotional, mental and physical challenges and if this grief remains unresolved it can lead to families becoming dysfunctional. It can cause extreme stress between couples that are 'protecting' their child but both are lacking in confidence in their ability to know what to do; what is right.
At this stage you all need SUPPORT from your diabetes clinic, your immediate family and friends. Ask them to help you. Seek out support groups on the internet, find out if your diabetes clinic has a support network in your area.
You will find the psychosocial impact of diabetes involves the WHOLE family and society wherever your child goes whether it is school, play groups, nursery, any out of school activity. They will all need to know how to take care of your child (and diabetes) when you are not around.
Diabetes is a lifelong disease with potential consequences if not managed correctly.
Take one day at a time, adjustment of a diabetes diagnosis takes 6-9 months. For your child depending on their age it make take 9-12 months.
Children are dependent on their parents - YOU. This will naturally put YOU under a great deal of stress. YOU can only do your best, ask for help, make use of your diabetes clinic, that is what they are there for. Get a friend to share your new found knowledge, keep learning and remember to take some time out for YOU! This is where your good friend can give you a break.
When Eddie was tiny I shared all the facts of diabetes with 'my good friend', she helped with insulin doses, finger pricking - she allowed me to escape even if only for an hour.
' You are in a dark place - and you are 'entitled' to your grief. Not only have you to learn how to manage this condition you have to deal with the world's ignorance about it - and also badly thought out comments that people make. It is a very lonely road. It takes a good year to work out what has happened and the 'grief' that you describe and the 'anger' will feel painful and raw - the tunnel you have entered is long and dark but there is light at the end of it. I know that is hard to hear - because people said it to me and I never believed that I would start to feel brighter and less in despair - but I did - it took a long time - of crying, anger and bitterness - all the feelings you describe. It is a bereavement in a way. I did not want to see or speak to people - their shallow attitude made me hurt even more. Even my parents and best friend could not console me - anything anyone said made me feel more alone. Would rather have sat in a dark cave on my own than see other 'healthy' children - or have to look happy at a Childs birthday party. I shut down emotionally to most everyone - and as one friend says 'she paints on a smile' to go out in the morning. On here you will find some support to help you through these dark days. Emotional and practical support. If you feel you are struggling too much - go to speak to your GP about how you are feeling or the team at the hospital you are attached to. We can offer an understanding ear on here - as we are all in the same boat. The rawness will go - but you do need to work through these feelings. Have you a local support group you could go to as well. You may find some local parents on here. Some people set up their own groups to help support each other through this. Good. luck. I feel for you very much. Take care of yourself though - that’s important - there does not seem to be enough help for the parents of newly diagnosed children'
Words by Louise Deane
ANGER:
DENIAL:
BARGAINING:
DEPRESSION:
RESOLUTION:
and finally
ACCEPTANCE
There is no doubt about it there is significant responsibility for all involved. It poses serious emotional, mental and physical challenges and if this grief remains unresolved it can lead to families becoming dysfunctional. It can cause extreme stress between couples that are 'protecting' their child but both are lacking in confidence in their ability to know what to do; what is right.
At this stage you all need SUPPORT from your diabetes clinic, your immediate family and friends. Ask them to help you. Seek out support groups on the internet, find out if your diabetes clinic has a support network in your area.
You will find the psychosocial impact of diabetes involves the WHOLE family and society wherever your child goes whether it is school, play groups, nursery, any out of school activity. They will all need to know how to take care of your child (and diabetes) when you are not around.
Diabetes is a lifelong disease with potential consequences if not managed correctly.
Take one day at a time, adjustment of a diabetes diagnosis takes 6-9 months. For your child depending on their age it make take 9-12 months.
Children are dependent on their parents - YOU. This will naturally put YOU under a great deal of stress. YOU can only do your best, ask for help, make use of your diabetes clinic, that is what they are there for. Get a friend to share your new found knowledge, keep learning and remember to take some time out for YOU! This is where your good friend can give you a break.
When Eddie was tiny I shared all the facts of diabetes with 'my good friend', she helped with insulin doses, finger pricking - she allowed me to escape even if only for an hour.
' You are in a dark place - and you are 'entitled' to your grief. Not only have you to learn how to manage this condition you have to deal with the world's ignorance about it - and also badly thought out comments that people make. It is a very lonely road. It takes a good year to work out what has happened and the 'grief' that you describe and the 'anger' will feel painful and raw - the tunnel you have entered is long and dark but there is light at the end of it. I know that is hard to hear - because people said it to me and I never believed that I would start to feel brighter and less in despair - but I did - it took a long time - of crying, anger and bitterness - all the feelings you describe. It is a bereavement in a way. I did not want to see or speak to people - their shallow attitude made me hurt even more. Even my parents and best friend could not console me - anything anyone said made me feel more alone. Would rather have sat in a dark cave on my own than see other 'healthy' children - or have to look happy at a Childs birthday party. I shut down emotionally to most everyone - and as one friend says 'she paints on a smile' to go out in the morning. On here you will find some support to help you through these dark days. Emotional and practical support. If you feel you are struggling too much - go to speak to your GP about how you are feeling or the team at the hospital you are attached to. We can offer an understanding ear on here - as we are all in the same boat. The rawness will go - but you do need to work through these feelings. Have you a local support group you could go to as well. You may find some local parents on here. Some people set up their own groups to help support each other through this. Good. luck. I feel for you very much. Take care of yourself though - that’s important - there does not seem to be enough help for the parents of newly diagnosed children'
Words by Louise Deane
